


The Battle of Kitchen

by pinkie2054



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Oneshot, Uhm inside joke, idfk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 05:15:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20334673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkie2054/pseuds/pinkie2054
Summary: I’m so sorry





	The Battle of Kitchen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Katrilop](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katrilop/gifts), [TheLittleTrashCat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLittleTrashCat/gifts).
  * Inspired by [disturbance of the peace](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20223802) by [peachsneakers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachsneakers/pseuds/peachsneakers). 

> ... I... I don’t know...
> 
> If you want to understand what the fuck is happening, go to the work that this is inspired by its right up there ^^
> 
> Go to chapters 8,9, and 10 I believe, and look at the comment section to see our long-ass threads discussing this shit.
> 
> Also just read that fic cause its amazing and deserves more love

Pinkie sighed, trying not to let her hands tremble as she shrugged on the chainmail armor. Despite having thoroughly discussed the plan with her superiors before hand, she could not shake the pre-battle nerves. Even though she was third in command in her unit, behind only Kat and the Sergeant, she hadn’t ever been in the field.  
Yes, she had extensive weapons training and knew battle strategies like the back of her hand, but she also knew that knowing how to fight and actually fighting were two different things.  
She ran a hand through her hair as the Serge entered the armory.  
“Pinkie, are the troops suited up?” Serge asked, grabbing a fire retardant leather chest plate off of the racks.  
Pinkie nodded. “Yes, Serge.”  
“Pinkie, how many times do I have to tell you, when it’s just us, Kat, or Wolf, call me Cat,” Cat admonished half heartedly, securing their armor.  
“I know, I know. I’m just anxious about the battle.” Cat’s hands stilled, and they took a deep breath before meeting Pinkie’s eyes, humming sympathetically.  
“You’ll be fine, you’ve trained for this for months, years even. You’re one of the best fighters we’ve got!” Pinkie huffed out a laugh, shaking her head.  
“I suck compared to you and Kat. Besides, I haven’t even had any real experience!” Cat walked over to pinkie, sitting down on a nearby bench, patting the spot next to them invitingly. Pinkie took the unspoken offer and plopped down next to them, shoulders hunched and head down.  
“Listen, this isn’t going to be easy. Going into battle never is. But you know how to fight, and you know the plan by heart. I know you’re nervous, but you gotta keep your chin up. Our soldiers are counting on you!” They exclaimed, clapping a hand on Pinkie’s shoulder. “I promise, you’ll do great. You’re the best #3 a person could ask for.” Pinkie gave a weak smile.  
“You gonna be ok?” Cat asked. Pinkie opened her mouth to answer.  
“Hey, Pinkie, Cat, we head out for battle in 5 minutes. C’mon you need to give a pep talk to the troops,” Kat said as they appeared in the doorway, hanging on the doorframe and leaning into the room. Pinkie and Cat nodded in unison, standing up from the bench. Kat leaned in a little further, grabbing their bow and enchanted quiver before leaving.  
Cat had given them that quiver for the holidays last year, it was enchanted to never run out of arrows. They smiled fondly, remembering the look on Kat’s face when they tore open the gift wrapping.  
They were shaken out of their thoughts by Pinkie holding up the gas tank of their flamethrower. “Want me to help you get this on?” Cat nodded and let Pinkie strap it onto their back, handing them the hose. Cat took it, double checking the air pressure and gas levels on the nozzle before nodding, satisfied.  
They turned around, seeing Pinkie hook several grenades to her belt, and stringing a sash with knives and various ammunition covering it across her chest.  
“Hey,” Cat started, making Pinkie look up, “any chance I can have one of your knives?” Pinkie grinned maniacally, pulling a dagger out of its spot on her sash, flipping it a few times in her hand before offering it, handle out, to Cat.  
“Sure thing.” Cat gratefully accepted the dagger, sliding it into the hidden sheath in their boot. Pinkie slung her grenade launcher over her shoulder, leaning down to tie her black combat boots before standing up.  
The two friends nodded to each other before walking down the hallway towards the hangar, where the small army was waiting. Cat walked to the front of the group of mostly silent soldiers, climbing on top of a few medium sized metal crates. Kat hopped up beside them, and Pinkie lounged across one of the lower crates, idly sharpening a sword. (**_A/N: I’d like to apologize in advance for the shitty attempt at a motivational speech, this is not my forte._**)  
“Gentlemen, Ladies, and Non-binary daisies!” Cat called out, their commanding voice silencing the few hushed whispers that had filled the room. Even Pinkie looked up from where she was sharpening the katana. “We are all here today for one reason.” The words echoed across the walls. “We are here to defend Virgil Sanders!” A few cheers made their way through the crowd. “All of you brave souls have stepped up in our time of need. Putting aside any and all differences, training and strategizing for battle, leaving behind loved ones.” They paused for a moment. “The sacrifices you have all made to be here right now are our kinship. Our brotherhood, our bond. We are not a group of individuals. No, no, no. Today, we are one! We are one, united being! One that will overcome all obstacles, hurdles, and barriers in our path! Because we are together. And together, we are unstoppable. For it is Together, that we prevail! We shall not be defeated by those who oppose us, for it is:” they stopped, gesturing to the soldiers.  
“Together that we prevail!” They shouted in unison.  
“Together that we prevail!” Cat hollered. “Together that we prevail! Together that we prevail!” The troops slowly joined in, and soon a cacophony of noise sounded throughout the hanger. Cat grabbed their dagger and thrust it into the air. “For Virgil!” They screamed. The soldiers followed suit, everyone’s weapon of choice held high in the air as they repeated.  
“For Virgil!” Cat hopped down from the crates, rolling into the ten foot drop and standing up. Pinkie and Kat doing the same. The three of them huddled together, looking at each other with worried gazes.  
“Are you guys ready?” Kat asked.  
All three of them responded. “As we’ll ever be.” There was silence for a moment before they broke into giggles, the burden of war forgotten, even for just a moment.  
Pinkie locked eyes with Cat. “See you on the battlefield.” Cat nodded, a wry smile on their face. Pinkie returned it before taking Kat’s hand and pulling them towards their portal.  
Cat let the smile fall when they were out of eyesight. _Gods, let this battle go as planned,_ they thought, turning towards the close range portals. 

—————————————————————

Pinkie and Kat stood in front of their portal, anticipation and adrenaline flooding both their veins. Almost everyone in the hangar jumped at the sound of the battle horn, and troops started marching into the portals, disappearing into the mindscape. The two friends shared one last look before they ran into the swirling blue light, the familiar feeling of teleportation washing over them, embracing them.  
They fell out of the portal into the vast hallways of the mindscape, and immediately reached for their ears to turn on their coms. Pinkie spoke into hers first.  
“Alpha-3 reporting. Alpha-1 do you copy, over.” She spoke. A second later Cat’s slightly staticky voice filled her ear.  
“Alpha-1 reporting, I copy, over.” Pinkie nodded, looking at Kat as she spoke.  
“Alpha-2, do you copy, over.” Kat smirked as they pressed a button on their com.  
“Alpha-2 reporting, I copy, over.” Pinkie nodded again, speaking into her mic.  
“Delta-1, do you copy, over.” There was a few moments silence before the slight static filled their ears and a smooth voice transmitted across the coms.  
“Delta-1 _not_ reporting, I _don’t_ copy, _under._” Kat stifled a laugh at Deceit’s antics.  
“Delta-2, do you copy, over.”  
A maniacal laugh filled everyone’s ears as a slightly deranged voice spoke into the coms.  
“Ooh, thank you for that code name, you know how I love being given two D’s at once”  
“That _does_ even make sense, Remus,” Deceit said into his mic.  
“It does to me,” Remus retorted. Cat groaned.  
“I guess code names and radio etiquette are already being thrown out the window,” they sighed into their com.  
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Deceit, Remus, what’s your status?”  
“We _haven’t_ gotten Virgil into his room and he _isn’t_-“ Deceit was cut off by Remus.  
“Ok shut up that’s too hard to understand. Virgey is in his room and he’s distracted with a fidget cube and an Alice in Wonderland puzzle book that I stole from Logan. That should keep him busy for about an hour. Logan and Patton have been… uh… detained.”  
Kat furrowed their eyebrows. “Remus, what did you do?”  
“Nothing! ...permanent…” Pinkie sighed.  
“It’s whatever. Kat, the long range troops and I are gonna move in now for the first phase of the attack. Deceit, please cloak Cat and their troops with an illusion while they get behind Roman.”  
“You _Don’t_ got it, pink.” (**_AN: Ok I just learned that Kat’s pronouns are she/her, but I’ve already written the entirety of the above ^^^ stuff using They/them cause that’s not gender specific, and I’m too lazy to go back and change it, so I’m gonna start using She/her pronouns from now on, deal with it._**)  
Kat waved her hand at the very confused troops behind her. They had been hearing like ⅖ of the conversation over the coms, so they didn’t really understand what was going on. But, they understood the signal Kat was giving them, and at once flooded into the kitchen, sticking to the walls and drawing their bows, guns, and other long-range weapons.  
Pinkie and Kat were the last of their group to enter the kitchen, and they were greeted with the sight of a very confused Roman brandishing a sword.  
Then, Wolf hopped out of a portal with a horn, and blew it, signaling that the battle had begun.  
At once, the troops drew arrows from their quivers and loaded their guns, or in Pinkie’s case, loaded her grenade launcher.  
Roman, realizing what was happening, waved his hand. The kitchen expanded and morphed into a large, battlefield sized room, and a troop of soldiers wearing Roman’s family crest appeared behind him.  
Kat recognized the new threat and immediately shouted, “free fire!” At once arrows and bullets rained down on the opposing army, taking down about ten soldiers instantly before they drew their shields to try and protect from the onslaught of projectiles. Roman ducked behind the kitchen table to protect himself from the open fire. Soon, arrows started coming towards the rebellion, causing the occasional soldier to fall.  
Pinkie located the groups of archers, and shot her grenade launcher at the largest cluster. The explosion caused several of the archers to collapse, the others jumping out of the way.  
The battlefield was abuzz with the sounds of arrows being launched, bullets being shot, and shouts of soldiers being hit. Pinkie quickly began to reload her grenade launcher, being so focused on her task that she did not notice the archer aiming a bow and arrow at her.  
Kat, however, did notice. She was about to fire another arrow when she saw the archer taking a deep breath, signaling they were about to fire. And Kat reacted. “Pinkie!” She shouted, diving towards her friend and fellow soldier, tackling her to the ground and out of the way of the arrow.  
They both fell to the ground, and Kat’s head hit the floor with a sickening _crack!_ she went limp, her grip on Pinkie loosening.  
“Kat?” Pinkie said, shaking her friend, tears welling in her eyes when there was no response. “Medic!” She called. “We need a medic!” She lifted her friend into her arms, rushing into the hallway where the medics were. She set Kat down in the medics tent, nodding to the doctor before rushing back to the front lines, ignoring the tears that threatened to fall.  
“Serge, Kat’s down,” She informed Cat through her com.  
“Fuck! Is she alright?”  
“She’s alive.”  
“Ok. Time for the next phase of the plan. Deceit?”  
“Not on it.” Out of nowhere, the close range troops appeared behind Roman and his soldiers. Cat let out a war cry and charged, their flamethrower spitting fire at the unsuspecting soldiers.  
“HOLY FUCK!” Roman screamed, staring, mouth agape, at the crazy person wielding a flamethrower.  
“This is for hurting my friend!” Cat screeched, scorching everyone in their path as they walked with purpose towards Roman. Explosions sounded in the background, no doubt Pinkie launching another grenade, but Cat paid it no mind. They stalked predatorily towards Roman, flames licking at his boots as he scrambled backwards. Just as the fire was about to reach him, their flames cut out, the meters on the nozzle dropping to zero.  
They looked behind themself to find an arrow in their gas tank, letting out the gasoline and air pressure, rendering the weapon useless. No matter, they shedded the gas tank, abandoning the flamethrower on the ground. Roman reaches for his sword, which had fallen out of his grasp in his bid to get away from the flame throwing lunatic. Cat kicked it out of the way, drawing their gifted dagger from their boot.  
They flipped it a few times in their hand just as Pinkie had done earlier. They dropped to their knees next to Roman, who was holding up his hands in a placating manner. They held up the dagger, ready to stab it in his chest when-

**** _“_**STOP!!!**” Virgil’s tempest tongue rang through the battlefield, stilling their movements. “**don’t kill him.**” They looked up to see Virgil standing a few feet away from them, Pinkie just behind him, eyes glowing purple and pleading. Cat’s eyes flitted between the terrified Roman and equally terrified Virgil, before they sighed and lowered their arm. Pinkie was at their side instantly, asking if they were alright.  
Cat nodded, offering a weak smile to their friend. “You got Virgil?” She shook her head.  
“He came up to me, asked me not to kill him. When I asked why, he said ‘cause he may be an asshole, but even assholes deserve to live’. So, I got him over to you.”  
Cat nodded. “That was the right thing to do. You made a good call, Pinkie.” She went red at the praise.  
“It was nothing.”  
“No, really, Pinkie. That was #2 caliber stuff. Speaking of…” pinkie looked up at Cat, eyes wide. “Seeing as Kat is temporarily out of commission, I’m going to need a number 2. You up for the job?” Pinkie stared at them, shocked. 

Slowly, a happy grin took over her face. “Damn right I am.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve sinned.


End file.
